Friday, June 19, 2009

Turns out, I'm not so strong.

Turns out, under pressure, I tend to cry a lot.

Today has pretty much sucked. I spoke to Michael on the phone for about 45 seconds this morning; that's about all the energy he has. He had something of a setback today, which I won't go into. Nothing life threatening, but discouraging. I was able to spend about 2 hours at the hospital with him this afternoon, and he slept the entire time. I feel like my husband has been stolen from me, and in his place is someone I barely recognize. I'm starting to feel a sense of dread going to the hospital. He woke up briefly and looked at me and said, "Hey, how ya doing?" I started crying, but he was back to sleep before I could even say anything. When I left, I went out to my truck and had a complete breakdown.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

14 comments:

Molly C said...

Oh hun. I'm so sorry. Do you have people there who can give you a hug or lend an ear?

and crying is cathartic. Sometimes you need to cry.

Sarh (fostersm) said...

Love and hugs. Wish I could give you more.

aud444 said...

If it makes you feel any better, I too have had a shit day. No, let's make that a shit year. From every angle...ack.
Hang in there...it will get better.

Kimberly said...

just finding your blog now, but i am praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts.

hugs,
kim in seattle

Cheryl said...

When you are slicing onions, no matter how strong you are, some days you cry.
You are working your way through some major onions...

Jeanette said...

Sending you prayers and hugs! Crying is a release, so let er rip!

Julie said...

I've been thinking about you two. Know that lots of us in cyberspace wish you all the best and wish we could come help in some way.

Carla said...

Let 'em flow, Lisa. They're not a sign of weakness, they're a sign of a healthy, normal emotional response. I hate this whole situation for you. :-(

Leigh Anne said...

thinking of you today.

Anonymous said...

(((Hugs)))

I'm crying too, as I read this. My heart goes out to you...

I have been told that I'm a very strong woman. Not only I cry a lot but sometimes when I cry I cannot stop crying. I find that crying helps my pain, anger and fear to come out. It is OK to be vulnerable.

Sending you lots of strength and peace...

JN

Alex and Kristi said...

Oh Lisa!! You have every right to cry! But just keep telling yourself, that this won't last...each day will get better!

Anna Alexandrova said...

much love to you, Lisa, from across the world! Hoping for speedy recovery for Michael.

Laurie said...

Thinking of you, my friend. Hang in there...you ARE strong, Lisa, but you are also human. You are doing SO well...so well!

(((Hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Lock yourself in your car and scream, cry and curse at this whole situation! Why should you just take it? Release the anger!

Love, Asha.