Thursday, June 4, 2009


All the caring and supportive comments have meant a lot to me; thank you.

The truth is, the whole thing kind of sent me into a bit of a tailspin the last couple of days. I feel violated, like my mother has once again crossed a line with me. I feel sad that, like Megan said, I got sucked back into her bullshit. I feel sad and dirty and ashamed that that is what I come from.

I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me - please don't. I guess on some level, I feel sorry for that girl that I was, but that's not me anymore. Obviously, it's shaped me as a person to a great extent, and there are wounds that will probably never heal, but I have worked so hard to leave that past behind me. I talk about it sometimes, but I don't dwell there. I am responsible for my own life and my own happiness now, and I've worked hard to build a good life for myself and to claim happiness.

Anyway, hopefully a good night's sleep will get my head back to a better place and I'll have more pleasant things to write about tomorrow.


Maureen said...

I'm sorry for what you had to endure as a child but, like you said, you're no longer that hurt little girl. I admire your ability to build a happy family life of your own. You've moved on in a very positive way.

Cheryl said...

Sleep well. Get some good, healing rest.

Anonymous said...

Refocus hon, she is not worth your thought!
Kevin, Joey, Annabelle, Daisy, Lilah,Finn and Michael are all better of for not knowing her.
She will never be the mother you needed.

Kristin said...

I hope that you get some peace while you sleep tonight. Try to keep that girl in the past. You are a wonderful woman now. Kiss your kids extra for me tonight.

My name is Sarah said...

Lisa, This is Joyce. I just had the time to read through all the posts related to your situation. I think I have mentioned before that I am a social worker and spent a time working in children's services in the abuse unit and as a case manager in the battered women's area. So I have seen a lot of horrific cases.

The hardest thing but the most important for all parties involved is to BREAK the CYCLE. It seems you have done an excellent job of doing that. The pain will never completely go away and you were robbed of an appropriate childhood, yet you have figured out the most liberating and empowering response. You owe her nothing. Stay strong my friend. I am so proud of you.

Anonymous said...

I don't feel sorry for you. I am in awe of you....and inspired by you. We all have things in our past that shaped us into who we are today. I read with an open mouth the details of your youth. But again, at the strength and clarity you have at this point I feel like you are all that is strong and powerful about women. You are a true advocate and woman/mommy warrior and I read your blog cuz it inspires me to be a better Mom/woman/friend/wife. Cheers!! xo