Friendship

There is this essay that has circulated the web for quite some time . . . have you seen it? It goes like this:

Reason, Season and Lifetime
..
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
..
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
...
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
...
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
...
When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.
...
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.

~~~

I think it's meant to be inspirational. I'm not sure I agree with all of it (if someone else comes into my life for a REASON, does that necessarily mean that, likewise, I came into their life for a REASON? Really, the essay makes it all seem to revolve around ME - or whomever is reading it . . . but I digress), but it's a good springboard for me to write about my observations about friendships/relationships that have been floating around in my head for a while.

One of the hardest things I have learned in life (so far) is that it is truely a very rare relationship that is a lifelong one. The vast majority of people who come into your life will exit it at some point down the road. A friendship that lasts a lifetime probably only happens once or twice in a lifetime. That's been my observation/experience, anyway.

For me, I guess I have friends of different levels. There are the acquaintances - people I generally like but really don't know all that well and don't have any intention of getting to know - or allowing them to get to know me - better than on a superficial level. There are friends - the ones who I do know pretty well, and who know me pretty well, who share at least some of the same views as I do, whose company I enjoy and whom I spend time with socially, and whom I know I could count on in a time of need. Then there are the best friends - the ones who know me to my core and accept me nonetheless, who are such a part of the fabric of my life that I can't imagine them not being there, those who I want to text/call/email for every silly little thing that happens throughout my day.

I have lots of acquaintances, and that's cool. I even have a pretty large circle of friends, and I'm happy with the level of friendship we share. As for best friends, though . . . Michael's probably it for me. This isn't meant to be a sappy-sweet-pukey tribute to my husband, it's just the way it is. At this point in my life, I don't have a girlfriend with whom I'm that close - someone who gets me, someone who invests as much in the relationship as I do, someone with whom I want to share every little thing. Michael's the only person in my life at this point who fits that bill, and the only one I know will be a positive force in my life until one of us dies. And really, I'm okay with that. I'm not lonely, I'm not being cynical - this is just a truth of life.

I've had best girlfriends - the ones you spend hours on the phone with, the ones with whom you share the deepest, darkest parts of yourself. And they're great, those relationships. But as I started out saying, I have found that the vast majority of relationships are not lifelong relationships. It's rare that what initially brings two people together in friendship is enough to sustain a lifelong relationship.

Friendships end for a variety of reasons, in a myriad of ways. Sometimes they just fade away quietly . . . one day you realize it's been months since you talked to that person . . . and you don't even really miss them. Sometimes they end very dramatically, with harsh words and tears and hurting. Those endings you grieve. Some sputter and start and stop until you finally realize it's just not going where you had hoped it would go, and you either accept it for what it is, or say goodbye without a word.

~~~

Anyway, it's interesting, because I've experienced all three of these scenarios just in the past 6 months. And, of course, many times over my life.

~~~

This really wasn't meant to be a downer post, just my observations.