This picture has been mocking me lately. Look at me! I weighed about 115 pounds here, and look how flat my stomach was. And this was after having a kid!
This was taken 8 years ago. Obviously time and a few ensuing pregnancies (including a full-term twin pregnancy and a pregnancy that included polyhydramnios which resulted in my getting just about as big as I did with with the twins) have taken their toll. Realistically, I know I don't look all that bad now, all things considered. Yeah, I'm quite a few pounds over that weight, but for my height I'm still within the range considered healthy. Still, what I wouldn't give to look like that again! But I know I'll never get down to that weight again without starving myself, and even if I did, I still wouldn't look like that without surgery.
I'm having serious body image issues lately. Kind of a love hate-hate thing. I'm trying to love myself and feel good about the fact that this body has grown 6 amazing, beautiful little humans. All the flab and mush, they're my battle scars. I've earned it. Still, I'm tired of wearing baggy shirts to hide the leftover belly. I'm tired of feeling so crappy about myself. I want to fit into my old jeans again, and not my new ones that are 2 sizes bigger than my old ones. I want to stop cringing every time Michael puts his hand on my belly. I don't want to look so "Mommish."
I don't know what my point is. Just not feeling real good about myself these days.
3 comments:
I wish there was an answer on how to get to that place of not just acceptance but also love and even pride.
I'm a size 16, sometimes teetering on a 14.
I eat what I want. I'm still a nursing mom and I rely on my body to tell me what it needs based on the demands of my baby.
I work out almost daily. Not so my body will look a certain way but so that it will keep on running. And I don't mean sweating or doing weights for an hour or anything. I mean walking- even if it is just marching in place in front of the TV each night.
I don't know exactly when it clicked for me... it started sometime in therapy when dealing with childhood abuse issues. I decided that I didn't want my body controlling me anymore or my body being a point of control or being controlled or anything else.
My body walks and hugs and makes love and embraces and touches and feeds and grows... I make the best choices I can for my body and I hope my body returns the favor.
Hang in there and keep working on it. Listen to your self talk. Do you look in the mirror and tear yourself apart? Or do you look in the mirror and admire your favorite features? Can you stop yourself when you are beating yourself up? Stop the negative message and start sending positive ones? Do it consistently and your POV changes.
Hugs,
Liz
Liz, thank you. I love the way you put it into words. It's a struggle, this process of self-acceptance. I hope I get there one of these days.
very nice comment Liz..
and Lisa...I have tons of those mocking pictures around my house...I thought they'd be good inspiration...
i think you look great btw...and you're right...you grew 6 beautiful kids...i could only aspire to do something as wonderful...
hugs
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