Michael

It's been a while since I updated about Michael, and people are asking me how he's doing, so here's the current installment of Cancer Saga.

Right now, he is finishing up his second week of a 4-week break from chemo, and he finished radiation 2 weeks ago as well. It has taken him this long to (mostly) recover from the side effects of chemo and radiation. There are still some lingering things, but for the most part he's feeling much better than he was 2 weeks, or even a week ago.

That said, there is a whole other aspect to having cancer and being treated for cancer other than the obvious physical aspect, and that is the mental/emotional aspect. When you're faced with something like this (either directly, as the person with the cancer, or as the spouse of someone with cancer), there is a huge emotional impact. You tend to examine your priorities, look at your life, and wonder if this is how you want to be spending what you now know is your one shot at this thing called life, this thing that can be taken away in the blink of an eye. You ask yourself if you're happy, if you're really doing what you want to be doing, and is it worth it?

Don't misunderstand me. We're happy . . . happy with our marriage, happy with our kids . . . but you just start to think about and question things.

Michael is, unfortunately, under a tremendous amount of pressure. Imagine being sick with cancer - cancer for god's sake! - undergoing the trying and sometimes debilitating processes of chemo and radiation, and all the while still having to be the breadwinner, the provider for 8 people. Still having to get up and go to work to a career that you're less than passionate about - a job that requires concentration and intellectual discipline, and your mind is on a thousand other things. That's what he's dealing with right now, and all I can do is sit by and watch.

So, two more weeks of this break (and it's been so nice to have him "back"), and then he starts another round of chemo. Different meds, different process; rather than a round-the-clock infusion, he'll go in once every other week and sit with an IV drip for 4 hours, and then follow that up with an infusion for 48 hours.

I think we are both afraid that the worst is still ahead. We're scared, but dealing. We'll get through it.