Monday, September 21, 2009
Life: It Doesn't Get any Easier Than This
Finn is sick (cold? swine flu? who knows), teething, and currently on a nursing strike. I've been really stressed out about it all. The illness because, well, who likes their kid to be sick, and I worry about Michael getting sick. The nursing strike because nursing is pretty much Finn's sole source of fluid intake since he has not yet mastered cup or straw, and I worry about him becoming dehydrated. Early this morning, he nursed for the first time in over 24 hours, and it was by force. I literally had to wrestle the boob into his mouth, which might be funny, except it's not. I tried again before his nap, and it was quite a scene that ended with both of us sweaty and crying. (For the record, through this little ordeal I have also attempted syringe-feeding which hasn't gone over much better, and I've discovered that Finn isn't a fan of Jell-O, which I thought was a brilliant suggestion.)
So, I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, thinking, yeah, just what I need: one more problem to deal with. As if I don't have enough crap heaped on my plate at the moment.
And then it hit me: it doesn't get any easier than this, life. It's full of challenges and pitfalls - that's just the way it is. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It all depends on how you look at it, how you deal with it.
It's like, when the kids are babies and keeping you up all night and teething . . . and then there's the nightmare of potty-training. I don't know about you, but I've spent a lot of time during those years thinking "It'll get easier when they're older and we're out of this stage." But it doesn't get easier, it just changes. Every age my kids have been has come with its own set of challenges. And really, it's okay.
I've spent so much time wishing this year away, The Year of Cancer. I've convinced myself that when Michael is all done with treatment, life will be easier. I don't know why I think that. It'll still be life, with some of the same challenges we've always had with or without cancer, and perhaps some new ones as well.
And also the same beauty and joy . . . and perhaps some new beauty and joy and appreciation as well.
It's like all the marriage counseling that Michael and I did. I realize now that the goal was never to prevent us from having problems ever again, but rather to learn how to deal with the challenges that will inevitably keep coming up. Because that's life.
Despite how hard and frustrating things are with Finn at the moment, I know it will pass. And then there will be another challenge. And that's okay. That's life.