Thursday, September 10, 2009

Coping

I've made no secret of the fact that Michael and I saw a marriage counselor for a number of years. It all started with a motorcycle . . . a long story for another post. The motorcycle got us into counseling, though, and through counseling, we overcame some big hurdles, grew together, and ultimately "graduated" with a good, strong marriage. No kidding. Our therapist actually said to us, "You guys are good. You're ready to fly solo. Call me if you ever need anything." It was a great feeling, knowing we had come so far. We still laugh and say that the motorcycle saved our marriage.

When Finn was born a little over a year ago, and subsequently hospitalized and diagnosed with Down syndrome, it was the worst trauma Michael and I had faced together. But the ordeal united us even more.

After that, it felt like we could survive anything. Of course, it's easy to feel that when you can't possibly imagine that life has yet one more very fucked up curveball coming your way.

When Michael was diagnosed with cancer last February, it felt like the world was crashing down around us. How could this be happening? We've had our "bad" already, for crying out loud! We clung to each other and made sure the other kept breathing in and out and putting one foot in front of the other. For a while, it all seemed relatively easy. Michael's pre-surgery chemo and radiation went fairly smoothly and certainly wasn't the nightmare I had always envisioned cancer treatment to be.

And through that all, there was this little part of me that felt really proud of the fact that we, as a couple, and each of us individually, were holding up so well. I was already fantasizing about sending our old marriage counselor a Christmas card at the end of the year and mentioning in a brief note that Michael - that we - had fought and survived cancer. I wanted her to be proud of us for dealing with something that huge on our own.

Silly, I know. Probably all goes back to my deep-seated desire for approval or something.

Anyway, although I refused to foresee it, the cracks started appearing in the armor when Michael had surgery in June. That's when I started slowly but surely falling apart.

I have finally admitted to myself just in the last week or two that I believe I am depressed. I have lots of experience with depression, as I've struggled with it for the better part of my life.

This morning I came unhinged a little. Yelling at Michael for being sick, as he laid in bed for the second day in a row post-chemo. I'm ashamed. This is the man I love, and he's sick from chemo, and I'm yelling at him. Telling him that I can't take his pain and suffering anymore.

I feel very helpless. He's been suffering from chronic pain since his surgery. The weeks he has chemo, he's laid out from it. This cycle has hit him harder than any of the previous cycles. And when he's laid out, I'm a single parent to a large degree. It's a lot to deal with. I feel alone. I have zero family support. I'm angry and resentful and tired, and having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We still have months of more of this ahead of us. And sometimes it all just feels like too much to bear. I feel inept and completely not cut out for this roll. I'm depressed.

And for the first time in my life, I'm giving serious consideration to asking my doctor to prescribe an antidepressant. I have really mixed feelings about it. I've always shied away from the idea of taking meds for depression in the past. I hate the idea of relying on something synthetic to make me feel okay, to help me cope. I've always thought that it's largely a mind-over-matter thing . . . like I can will myself out of a depression if I try hard enough. And I have issues with it, too, because to my knowledge, my mother was on various antidepressants pretty much the whole time I was growing up and I never saw her ability to cope improved by it. But maybe I shouldn't use her as a guage.

The fact is, I have to do something. It was one thing when my depression only hurt me, but now it's hurting my whole family. I'm taking it out on my kids and my husband. I'm pretty sure I'm making everyone miserable.

I actually called that therapist, and I'm going to see her next week. Maybe talking to her will be all I need to get back on track. I don't know.

Why am I sharing something so personal and potentially shameful in such a public forum? I'm questioning that myself. I guess I need people to know where I'm at. And hey, maybe there's someone else out there struggling in a similar way, and maybe that person will feel a little less alone by reading this.


71 comments:

Jodi said...

Lisa, How could you not be feeling depressed and stressed and alone? It's totally natural to react to the very real circumstances you're facing. See the therapist - consider the meds, even if just to see if they work. If they help, great. Treat them like what they are - medicine to help you, not an admission of defeat or some plot device in a novel where you're following in the footsteps of some family member. They might make life a little easier to handle for right now. Let me know if you want to meet for coffee or chocolate.

Eternal Lizdom said...

I am so proud of you for being so honest and open about this. It means a lot when someone can recognize that they need help and means more when they can reach out and seek it. I'm very glad you are going to talk to someone next week.

I also wonder if seeking out a support groups for spouses or loved ones dealing with cancer would help? Part of supporting an alcoholic is getting your own help in dealing with their disease- hence Al-Anon.

Hang in there... one day, one moment at a time.

Alisa said...

Lisa, you are one amazing woman. Thank you for your honesty. Just the six kids alone would have put me well over the edge! On any set of criteria, you are dealing with a LOT of stuff. Only the strongest are able to reach out and create ways to release that pressure valve in a healthy way. Good for you, whether it looks like therapy, meds, whatever. Hang in there!

Molly said...

I'm on zoloft. It's more for OCD and anxiety than depression, but it has basically given me my life back. So consider it, talk to the therapist, and don't be afraid to tell them that you don't think a med is working and you want to switch. It takes a little while to find the right dose, but I cannot tell you how happy I am that I'm on meds. If you want to talk or have any questions you can always email me!

Mom of 2 said...

Depression is a medical condition- don't be afraid to take medication.
My husband takes prozac and knows he has to take it for life. It has saved our marriage. The lows of depression or very hard on a couple. It's not your fault that you had the childhood that you had-and it's not your fault that you get depressed. That's what I tell my husband also.

Nicole O'Dell said...

ITA! Depression is real and it's medical. There are meds and they are sucessfully entrenched in the medical market because they work.

When I had the triplets, the doctor told me that she hadn't seen a single other triplet or higher multiple mom NOT need some sort of chemical re-balance. She warned my husband of what signs to watch for because it would be unlikely that I'd see it myself. We were told, at the first crack in the armor (as you said) to run, not walk, back to their office. They assured us that there was no need to suffer with that when there was an easy fix. They also made sure I realized that it wasn't heroic to stay depressed (not that I was yet) when my kids and family would benefit from me being of sound mind and balanced nature.

So, take that for what it's worth. Just take care of yourself. It's okay.

HUGS!

Jeanette said...

Lisa, you have had more than your share of hits. Depression is such a tough battle. It is real, yet invisible. I am glad that you wrote this post. You mirrored a lot of my inner feelings. My circumstances are very differrent with long term unemployment and extended family tragedies, but the feelings are fairly similar. (That is why I haven't posted much in ages... my heart and head just ache) You have inpsired me to possibly start another blog away from the DS blog to just have a me outlet... not the DS mom outlet.

Anyway, just remember, anti-depressants are not forever. Making that decision does not mean that you are signing up for life... just for as long as you need. Michael's treatments will finish and you two will find your routine life again. The tunnel may be long, but if you need help reaching the light, do what you need to. HUGS

Kleidy said...

I admire you Lisa, you are so brave!. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Perhaps you are experiencing some version of post-traumatic stress disorder, check this link out: http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/overview.html?inline=nyt-classifier

Holding you in my thoughts and heart :)

BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilities said...

Hi Lisa: I can't even imagine what you're coping with right now. My friend's mother is going through chemo and spends all of her time in bed.

I'm very sad to hear that you don't have family support. It's hard to imagine.

Depression is a medical condition like any other, so I would use all the tools at your disposal (therapy and meds).

Do you have access to any respite care for Finnian and your other kids -- so you could get out for a little while to try to re-energize or do something for yourself?

I'm glad you shared what you're going through. Let us know how things go! Hugs, Louise

Rachael Worley said...

Lisa, I applaud you for seeking counseling-you're dealing with much more than one person should be able to handle. I'm sorry your family isn't supportive. Our prayers are with you!

Linda said...

You are going through so much right now. I know you don't want to go on an anti-depressant but there's nothing wrong with doing so. Some people need them all the time, but it seems by what you're writing that you have situational depression and who wouldn't? There's absolutely no shame in taking an anti-depressant and getting the help you need to get through this. You have a huge load right now, and it's all on you! Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Your husband's father and sister offered you endless support, and you threw it away with both hands, choosing instead to take out your personal family grudges against people who had nothing to do with your issues. Yes, please, do try medication. For everyone's sake.

Anonymous said...

Screw you, Anonymous. If you can't be supportive, don't leave comments, and don't read the blog.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous (the second one). Anoymous #1 - either send Lisa a private e-mail or leave this blog. You don't need to bash Lisa publicly.

Anonymous said...

I follow your blog and very much admire your honesty and strength.
What you're dealing with is a lot. Personally, I think it takes courage to recognize a problem and look for a solution. Hang in there.

Lisa said...

Anyone care to guess who Anonymous No. 1 is??? I could explain the situation behind her comment, or better yet, have Michael explain it, if anyone really wants to hear it . . .

Michelle said...

Lisa, you don't have to explain anything. If people want to hide behind anonymous and bash you - well, that's pretty shitty.

I really appreciate and admire your honesty. I hope that since you don't have family near you to help out, that you have some friends that you can count on to help lighten your load.

Jodi said...

I wouldn't dignify the comment with a response. She either needs to talk to you in private or stay away from the blog. The third option of bashing you as "Anonymous" isn't going to fool anyone into thinking its some disinterested party. You shared your feelings honestly and openly instead of internalizing everything and you don't deserve to be attacked for that. If you need any help or a break, just holler.

Carla said...

I'm going to choose to ignore the drama. Argh.

You know that I had similar feelings to you about meds, but in the end they helped me immensely. There is the factor of "which came first the chicken or the egg?" with regard to the chemical imbalance and feelings of depression. But it really doesn't matter which came first because once your brain is spitting out the depression chemicals it can be helpful to give that brain a little "jump start" with the meds to remind it of the more normal chemical balance.

You have been under a lot of pressure and strain. There are bound to be repercussions in your body, mind, and soul. Do what you need to take care of yourself and please don't feel that you have to justify your decisions to any one except yourself.

Hugs.

Christina M said...

Lisa, I think you are ALL that and a bag of chips. I think you are handling everything great, so forget about mean people like the first anon comment. I guess whoever that was is just jealos of your fab family.

Hugs!

Megan said...

Is kicking someone while they're down considered "endless support"? If so, then you're so golden {cough} anon {cough}. Lisa opened up about what she's been going through. Perhaps if you were being supportive you could have gathered this prior to now and chosen to behave differently. But, you know, keep on keeping on 'cause you're right an all. @@@@@@@@@@@

Anonymous said...

My name is Beth and Audrey is my friend, and I am the person who left that comment. I find it interesting how quickly you resort to the veiled threat. I see you have a handful of online supporters who know only what you tell them, but they have not seen the damage you have done to others or the pain you have caused. Hopefully they can at least perceive that there is more to your story than meets the eye. I have watched for months in silence and frankly, it makes me sick to see you go on and on about your victimization when you have very systematically and deliberately separated yourself from those who have always been willing to fly to your side at the slightest beckon.

Chrystal said...

Anon #1, even if you have a personal issue with someone, it's times like these that you put those things aside and stand with your family...or friend. Whatever the case may be.

This is not just about you and Lisa. This is about M and the kids as well.

In my mind, the word endless means "without an end" not "until my feelings get hurt or I get angry."

Just my $.02

Chrystal said...

Beth, I'm glad that you made your identity known, but, really, as much as you say that no one here knows the entire story, why do you feel so strongly that *you* do?

Jen said...

Lisa, your real friends (who are family in the truest sense of the word) are behind you 100%. Anyone else is completely irrelevant.

Megan said...

Yeah, what Chrystal said re: knowing the full story. There's always two sides to a story. Anyone can realize that. Also, the assumption that we're just a "handful of online supporters" is just that, an assumption.

Jodi said...

Beth - Most of don't consider ourselves "online supporters", we call ourselves Lisa's friends. Just as you're defending your friend, Audrey - we're defending our friend, Lisa. No one is suggesting any of us have the whole story - even Lisa and Audrey would be seeing their own side of whatever issue you're referring to. But, nothing's going to be solved by going on the offense and trying to shame or attack Lisa on her own blog. If you re-read Lisa's post, you'll see that she really wasn't playing the victim card - and the line I think you were most offended by "no family support" was more about whether or not Lisa FELT supported, than whether or not support had been offered in any form, including endless. It would seem that you'd be serving your friend better by offering her support and friendship, just as the rest of us are doing for Lisa.

Michelle said...

What Chrystal said about endless? Is pretty genius.


Lisa, also I'm a bit mortified I swore in my last comment. Want me to edit it?? I guess I forgot where I was in the heat of the moment...

Wendy P said...

Lisa - good for you for doing what you need to for your family and for yourself. As a supporter AND your friend, I'm really proud of you.

Cate said...

Nothing shameful about it, at all. You do what you have to do to get through.

And ignore everything else, including weirdo internet comments.

Anonymous said...

Know this. Whenever Mike and Lisa have wanted a free babysitter, they called my best friend and she dropped whatever she was doing and drove an hour and a half to be there. And Lisa knows full well that if she ever called Joe and said "please come" he'd be pounding on the door before she'd hung up the phone. She knows it. I know it.

I have watched this process for the last five years. I have watched Audrey and Joe swallow insults and provocations, seen them be lectured by Lisa about privacy while she posts all manner of personal things on her blog. I've seen her delete anything her father-in-law posts if it's supportive (because it interferes with her image as the Woman Struggling Alone.)

I've seen her pick fights with both of them over absolute nonsense and rip the family apart, and then go online to sigh that she and Michael are without family. Well, if it were up to me they would indeed be left to their own devices, but the fact is that Audrey and Joe will come immediately any time they are asked or even ALLOWED. And I'm sick of it. As for offering my support to Lisa, I have no intention of doing any such thing. I am not her friend. I could not be the friend of someone who has treated decent people in such a manner.

-Beth

Anne said...

I think Chrystal said it best of all. And I like what Michelle and Jen and Cate said, too. I'm proud of you, Lisa. What you're going through is difficult and still you're putting one foot in front of the other. That's no small thing.

Anonymous said...

Beth - GO AWAY!

Speaking of taking out personal grudges against issues that have nothing to do with you. (Pot meet Kettle)

You are coming here to a blog full of supporters of Lisa spouting of shit we could all care less about.

If you aren't here as a friend or to offer support (as you fully admitted you weren't) then GO AWAY! This isn't an open forum for you to personally attack Lisa. Pick up the phone and call her if you have a problem with her. You are just making yourself look like a giant douche.

I repeat: GO AWAY!

Anonymous said...

Beth. What are you doing?

You said that everyone is basing their judgments on what Lisa tells them. Well, as Lisa's husband, Joe's son, and Audrey's brother, I have personal knowledge of all of these issues, and what I don't have personal knowledge of, I've heard it both from my wife and my sister. Can you say the same?

And aren't you doing what you accusing everyone else of? Just basing your information on one side?

Incidentally, your source of information--presumably my sister--has specifically told me that your are, and I quote: "a stalker" and "mentally unstable." But you know what? I've only met you once, and exchanged a few emails with you, so I have no idea if her assessment is correct. Should we just blindly accept what she has to say? If she's full of crap, then you should consider your source; if she's correct, then we should all stop reading your posts.

Lisa's posts resonate with some people. For those people and for Lisa, the blog serves a multitude of positive purposes. What's your point in trying to show the world what a crybaby, lying, scheming bitch my wife is? Really, what is the point?

Even if everything you say is true, don't you realize that your publicly posting such just heightens tension between me and my sister--which stem directly from my sister's actions, not my wife's by the way. (I bet my sister says it's my wife's fault. Hey! How about that! There are at LEAST two sides to every story!) So is your intent to further alienate us? I can't believe that's so.

You may think you know everything, but you don't. Come on, you're a teacher, you're smarter than that. If you really--truly--want to be helpful, contact me and let's talk. Maybe then you can really be helpful instead of just having to sit idly by.

By the way, as someone in the know, what you're doing is just making my sister look like an idiot.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Beth, but I have to ask you about the basis for this statement in your post:

"Know this. Whenever Mike and Lisa have wanted a free babysitter, they called my best friend and she dropped whatever she was doing and drove an hour and a half to be there."

You are insinuating that we have taken advantage of using my sister to babysit for free.

But, did you know . . . We have a babysitter whom we pay, who lives locally. Of course, there's no way you could've known that. She even posts here sometimes.

But as you say "Know this:" We have never, ever, called my sister because we want a free babysitter, but we have asked her to babysit sometimes if our local sitter wasn't available, not because we wanted a free babysitter. See the nuances you miss when you assume things, and only have one side of the story?

In fact, and quite to the contrary, I have PERSONALLY turned down many many offers from my sister for a free babysitter because I didn't want to make her drive all the way down from West Hollywood for something minor, or for just a few hours. it's a long trip, as you noted.

What a lousy brother, huh?

Larry said...

Lisa -- Hang in there and try to come out tonight; Michael YOU ROCK! Hope you feel better soon... And Beth, YOU JUST SIMPLY SUCK - go away...

Tricia said...

Kudos to Michael for setting the record straight and putting that woman in her place...considering the hell he's going through its got to be the last thing in the world he wants to be doing!

Beth, if you haven't gotten the message by now, get off this blog and don't come back!!

To all of Lisa's friends (yes, I am one of them though we've been out of touch for a while) - Lisa is so lucky to have so many people that show they care even if its nothing more than encouraging words...keep it up!

Lastly, to my old friend (you know its been almost 20 yrs since we first met?!?), you have had so much heaped on you its a wonder the armor didn't bust wide open a long time ago! I don't think I could keep it all together as well as you have. You're an incredible woman, wife and mom....don't feel bad that you need a little help! Most people don't admit it and end up harming the people they love without meaning to and realize it only after the damage has been done. Listen to the therapist and your friends and don't be afraid to accept help in whatever form it may take, including MEDICINE! xoxo, Tricia

Anonymous said...

Michael, I do as I see fit in this world, and you and I aren't friends and never will be. I don't care how you feel at all. I have no interest in you or Lisa. The way you treat your sister and dad makes me nauseous, however, and I wanted to make absolutely sure that you know that not everyone is playing the violin for your wife's self-aggrandizing and very public martyrdom.

I wouldn't give a damn at all except, you see, in your intense selfishness neither of you realize the pain you are inflicting on those who love you and love those kids that you use as little human shields to inflict pain from behind. I've said what I have to say and I hope you didn't like it, but don't worry. I have nothing else to say.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled program: Lady Madonna, children at her feet, cue the music, cue the pity.

ashamom said...

Lisa- much love. I hope a visit to the doctor will help you sort things out, get help, gain perspective... I am the same way when it comes to meds, but you are right- you are dealing with SOOOO much, it might be helpful to lift some weight off your shoulders...

I know what you mean about "family support". The one that comes from a pure heart, somebody who loves you and supports you all the time and doesn't bring up "free babysitting" later on.

Some people DO get family like that... but even they do get depressed sometimes, so asking a doctor for help might just be the right thing!!

Much love to Michael and kiddies!

Love, Asha.

Lisa said...

Bethany, congratulations on exposing yourself as a giant ass! It's funny how you claim to know so much about what's going on here, and yet you have not been personally present to witness a single interaction between me and Audrey or me and Joe. You don't know me, and I don't know you. If, however, you claim to have such distaste for me, then why read my blog? Every single thing you claim to know comes from your "best friend" (who had plenty of rabid things to say about YOU when you and she were not speaking). You really have a lot of nerve coming to my blog and grinding your (or her) axe here. Take it somewhere else, lady. Your comments aren't welcome here, and I will be deleting them from here on out.

Anonymous said...

Oh Beth,

I guess you had to respond like that. Very well thought out and you're handy with a phrase. Is that all just confirmation that you don't know what you're talking about?

Please do tell me how I use my children as" human shields to inflict pain from behind." Do you write for a soap opera or something? Please, tell me? Do I say "you'll never see my kids again;" do I say things like "if you ever want to see my kids again, then . . ." Please, for everyone to know, tell us how it is that we have ever used our children as human shields? Do tell. Please, go ahead--I invite you to embarrass the shit out of us. This I gotta hear.

Where do you get your information from? How do I treat my sister? How am I intensely selfish?

Now I know you're making stuff up. Don't you ever fucking talk about my kids again, let alone try to use them in that way. Don't even think about them, you piece of shit.

Wow, what a great friend you must be!

Anonymous said...

One final comment Beth:

Please go back to your Keanu Reeves obsession and following him around the world. At least he has security guards to protect him from you.

Michael

Linda said...

I just sat and read all of these comments. I am so sorry, Lisa and Michael, that you are having to deal with this b.s. on top of everything else you have going on. Hugs to you both. May you both feel better soon, in every way.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled onto this blog and it sounds like if any one wants to give an opinion, they get crucified for having one.

Guess what? Any one that is brave enough to write a blog will get ALL sorts of ideas and opinions about whatever they're writing about.

One group admires the writer, while another group sees her as being a person with issues. It's a shame that no one will ever know what the real deal is.

Good luck with every thing!

Anonymous said...

It's true that a blog invites opinions, but the last person wasn't merely disagreeing or voicing a different opinion on an issue-anti-depression medication. They just came here, claiming to have a whole bunch of personal information, to flame the author and her husband (who does not blog), no? They even said that's basically what they were doing. What was the contribution in that? Have YOU figured it out?

You say "it's a shame" no one will never really know what the real deal is. What's your proposal to solve that? And why is that important, and why is it otherwise a shame? What is about the "real deal" that people must know that would have made this topic more effective? Isn't it just about sharing views on a particular topic, or feelings, and hope they resonate with people? And if not, people don't have to read it. Yeah, if people disagree on a subject, that's cool, and if they want to add something educational on the subject (and not an ad homonym attack like here) maybe it adds to a deeper understanding on the topic--like here the topic was depression, and whether anti-depression pills were the way to go, and not whether we use our children as human shields.

Seriously, how would knowing what is the "real deal" have actually further the author's topic (not Beth's)?

-husband

Anonymous said...

Wow. All I was trying to say is that every one has their opinion about something.

Why can't we all just agree to disagree, and leave things alone? I really wish you all well, and that you seek what ever help you may need in your lives. I'm not saying that you or your wife have any issues, but seriously. Can't we all just get along, and be happy?

Keri said...

Lisa,
I'm so sorry about all the drama this post generated. However, I still wanted to point out that you should definitely let your therapist know how important breast feeding Finn is so that she/he can prescribe something appropriate if needed (somehow, I can't see you talking to a therapist that does nothing but push medication at you!). I hope that Michael's treatment continues to go well and that he makes a full recovery. Hang in there...you're going to make it through this!

Cate said...

I want to know more about the Keanu Reeves thing.

heather said...

Wow! I take a few days off from reading blogs and somehow missed all this drama. What an effing joke!! And of all the posts to decide to leave such accusing comments on she chooses the one titled, "Coping". Ha!!! Lisa, I hope you know that you do have true friends that are here for you and offer you true support. Sorry for the awful comments of some weird stalker girl (might as well accuse her of stuff I am not sure about to because I heard it from someone). Big hugs!!

Also I wanted to tell you that I went into to see my OB for antidepressants when Griffin was 8 weeks old. He wouldn't give me the Rx at that visit. He said we all feel overwhelmed from time to time with changes, new babies, lack of sleep, stress and to give it a week and then see how I felt. I left thinking that wasn't the best advice. What if I had serious postpartum depression and he had just dismissed it as nothing? Luckily he was right and after a week I felt so much better. You are going through a ton of crap right now. It is only normal to be feeling overwhelmed and down. I think it is a great idea to talk to someone and evaluate the entire situation.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Beth you just need to get your own life and stay out of Michael and Lisa's. It is none of your business anyway. Go create your own family drama with YOUR OWN family and leave my friends alone. I was Joey's first grade teacher and I have seen what this family is going through. You just need to back off because they do not need anymore grief than they are already facing. I would not wish their trials on anyone. Even on you Beth!

Helga said...

OK, I feel I have to say something. I've been happily married for 30 years and our whole family on both sides love and care for each other. Audrey is my very dear friend and so is Beth. When Audrey first told me about Michael's cancer back in February she was devastated and cried every time the subject came up. She also told me that she would be strong and didn't want you to know just how scared she was but emphasised that she would be there for you and your family. It was (and is) her number one priority. I remember one particular instance, we were on the way to an important meeting. Michael called and said Finn had to go to hospital and he couldn't get off work etc. and without a second thought Audrey made me turn the car around, drop her at her house and she drove straight there. That doesn't sound like 'no family support' does it? As far as Joe's concerned, I only know that both he and Audrey love your children to death but whenever he comes to visit for a birthday or something, he has to stay in a hotel or sleep on Audrey's couch because he obviously isn't welcome in your home. The guy is getting on a bit, (sorry Joe) he's your children's grandfather. Why do you treat him like this? You can tell me to mind my own business but I felt I had to balance some of those earlier comments. Michael I hope you get well very soon and please let by-gone's be by-gone's and call your "big Sis" because life really IS too short for all this nonsense.

Lisa said...

God damn! Helga, with all due respect, and while I appreciate that you are at least kinder and more respectful with your words, the truth is, just like Beth, you only have half of the picture - if that. You have the fraction of the picture that AUDREY has fed you. That is NOT the whole picture, and any reasonable person would assume this. How Audrey thinks that alienating ME is supporting her brother is utterly beyond comprehension. She has apparently decided that Michael and the entire Morguess family needs protection from me, the evil interloper wife. It's pure insanity. Listen, Helga, you don't know me. You don't know Michael. I've never met you. Whatever you know about us, you know from Audrey - and perhaps Joe. You do not know my side, or Michael's side, and neither do you appear to consider that either of us may even have a side. So your opinions are not based in any true reality. If you feel bad for Audrey and/or Joe, then by all means, offer them your support and commisserate with them, but do not for a second assume that you know the whole story or have any right to pass any fucking judgment on me or Michael. I am goddamn sick of Audrey's friends using my blog in this manner. And I really like how in the end, you implore Michael to call his "big sis" - why? To make HER feel better? She created the whole situation to begin with. If she had her brother's best interests at heart - if his wellbeing were her priority, as you say - then she would not be allowing her friends to make a bad situation even worse. None of this crap serves to heal any wounds, it's only causing more anger and hurt.

I've had it. Audrey and Audrey's friends, STAY THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG.

Helga said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

And another thing: neither you, Helga, nor Beth, have ever come here to leave any comment of support. You come here only now, to support your friend in opposition of me. It's just rude and obnoxious, plain and simple.

You know, if I had a friend experiencing family issues, I would certainly support that friend face-to-face. But I cannot imagine actually making myself involved in the friend's family strife. Who does that?

Anonymous said...

Hi Helga,

It seems to me that you're just trying to "balance things out" to make us look bad--I make my father sleep on my sister's couch when he visits her in Hollywood (how's that my responsibility--I guess she could let him sleep on her bed), he stays in a hotel when he visits here, and I refuse to talk to my "big Sis" (cute).

Oh, and now my wife needs to boil her head according to you. Wow, you're nice. You're doing a good job of upsetting us--you know, us victimized crybabies.

So my sister has been surrounding herself with you and Beth? No wonder she's been acting the way she has.

Audrey, you need to call off your dogs. You're not getting anywhere.

Michael

Anonymous said...

Helga!!

You whimp--you deleted your comment about how my wife should "go boil her head, bitch!" Why? Didn't you want everyone to see what you wrote, and your duplicity, or just us? Now my response doesn't make sense. Darn.

Anyway, you sophisticated West Hollywood ladies--we're signing off for the night. Why don't you guys cool it already. Thanks!!

Helga said...

Hi Michael,
The "boiling head" sentence was a gut reaction to Lisa's rude and coarse rambles. I said what I wanted to say. My intention was not to upset anyone.

Anonymous said...

I hate to add fuel to the fire. And I'm going to do my best to not do that.
Lisa and Michael,
I'm a former "friend" of Audy and Bethanie's.
I wanted to say that I'm really, really sorry that you're having to deal with this online bullshit along with what you have to deal with in real life.
I know all to well how this can go, and I am ashamed to admit that at one time, I participated in this sort of thing (on the wrong side).
I know how complicated family relationships can be. And I don't pretend for one second to understand or have any knowledge of how yours plays out. But I know that no one is blameless, and no one is perfect.
I hope you both stay strong, and keep dealing with everything as well as you've dealt with this scene.
I'd like of offer just one small piece of advice, if I may.
Bethanie feeds on this sort of thing. If you want her to go away, ignore her. You and everyone else. Just ignore her, it will drive her mad and she may say some more inflammatory things, but she'll get fed up with no response and will go away.
If you want to delete this comment, feel free. And if you'd like to talk further, I'll keep an eye out here and will contact you.
I'm sure you can understand why I'm staying anonymous. I got away from them, and don't want to go back.

Lisa said...

Yep, contact me.

Anonymous said...

Lisa-

I've been reading your blog for the better part of a year now and I've never left u a comment for fear that I may seem like a stalker. I am not.... I just happen to love your blogs and I feel connected to u on so many levels. I feel compelled to add my 2 cents.... Beth and helga Shame on you! You are behaving like 2 children. How dare you add even more frustration to a family that is coping with cancer. Michael doesn't need this crap and I am disgusted that 2 adults so far removed from the situation are getting involved in other's family matters. I sincerely hope audrey did not put u two up to this and if I were audrey I'd be appalled with what you yentas have done. You would serve her better if you kept your mouths shut and not try to humiliate lisa and michael on a public forum such a this one. You try to make lisa look like a whiney bitch when she is in fact quite the opposite. Lisa's honesty has painted a picture of a very flawed woman trying to move on with her life. You two must have way too much time on your hands. Let this family be already. I think they have enough to deal with without the bullshit you've now created. I'm sure you both mustnit have any husbands or children of your own because I guarantee you would have never crossed this line if u did. The only thing I've learned by reading your posts is that you two are the ones in desperate need of medication. go back to stalking keanu u nutjob because if I was lisa I'd get a restraining order. Stop living vicariously through other people's lives and get one of your own!

Stacey

Shelley said...

**HUGS**

Helga said...

Stacey,

guess what. I've been HAPPILY married for 30 years. Either you didn't read my comment or you just pick and choose whatever fits into your narrow view of the world.

Anonymous said...

Then Helga I ask you this.... How would you feel if your husband's sister's "friends" got involved in your family's issues? As a person married for 30 years I would think you would know better than to cross a line like that. You two obviously keep checking in on Lisa's blog for more comments and i think it's about time you just stop. The only thing you have accomplished by coming here is that you have created more tension between Michael and his sister.

Stacey

Anonymous said...

Mike, I forgot to tell you: there is a contingent of "mentally unstable stalker" type fans (as you like to call us) who search K___u R__v_s name on the internet every single day, which is why, within 24 hours of you typing his name onto your wife's blog, someone who just happens to know me showed up and is now working toward a private correspondence with your wife. She admits she was one of us, now she wants to talk to you personally... I have a pretty good idea who it is, and I am telling you... watch out.

Now, it's up to you, but you'd better think: this is someone who found this blog, with all your personal family info on it, *immediately* after you typed that name into it. These are people who like to gather personal information about others and Lisa is a sitting duck for them. In the guise of telling her all about me (and they won't be able to tell you anything Audrey can't) they will be getting more info about you.

That's the only warning you're getting from me. You're on their radar now. It's your problem, not mine, but I thought I'd better say this one last thing.

-Beth

Anonymous said...

I think Beth's conspiracy theory about this 3rd person is just a paranoid reaction. I doubt she found your blog by typing in Keanu's name. She found it just like Beth and Helga found it....through Audrey.

Mom of 2 said...

If you don't want people finding your blog through a name you write down- do it like this Ke*anu R**ve
That way the name isn't linked to your blog.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm sorry--I couldn't resist. You guys have 6 kids, and somebody wants to villify you for having your dad (father in law) stay at a hotel??? I only have 4 kids, and I'm sure my family WISHES there were a hotel close by! Not that they don't love my kids, but people who aren't used to the chaos find mornings around here a little...er...chaotic. I'm sure it's the same with y'all!

And in case Beth and Helga are still stalking...., If you can't say something nice, GO GET YOUR OWN D*MN BLOG!
Ashley

Anonymous said...

Okay. This particular blog was supposed to be about Lisa, right? So, how did it turn into an argument about Beth, Helga, and Stacy? It is so childish. Every one who has been following Lisa's blog know what she deals with on a daily basis. Between having six children and having a husband with cancer, of course she's stressed out and scared. She doesn't need this b/s from those that don't care about her or would like to sling mud at her. However is looking to make her angry, please, just leave whatever issues you have with her, outside of HERE. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Sorry. I meant to say, WHO EVER is here to make Lisa angry, please leave it outside of this blog. It would be the kindest action you can do. Thank you.

D said...

Lisa, I've been following your blog for a few months now, and I just want to say that anyone who has six kids and a husband battling cancer and is still standing deserves a round of applause. I'm a college student and I think *my* life is exhausting. Good grief. As for depression and medication-based treatment, it's worked well for me, though it took quite a while to find the right combination. I'd definitely see a psychiatrist to discuss everything rather than a PCP, though.

Re: The Drama - Seriously? Like I said, I'm a college student, and I'm really very appalled. I've seen drunken frat boys with better manners. Heck, I've seen my nephew with better manners, and he's six.

My name is Sarah said...

Lisa, This is Joyce. Gosh it just took me an hour to read this and try to figure what the heck is going on. First I thought my husband's sisters were at it again, but wait this isn't my blog, this is yours:) I wish my sister-law would make comments on my blog instead of calling me then everyone could read how mentally imbalanced she is. And then maybe we could actually get her some help. Isn't family grand:)!!! NOT. Anyway, I just want to send hugs your way. Whatever the reasons, no one should be treating other people like this. Nonsense.