Friday, August 21, 2009

Sticks and Stones . . .

. . . may break my bones, but words hurt even more.

Isn't that the truth, despite what we tell our kids?

I've been grappling with some things Anonymous said in her last comment to me. I vowed to myself that I would just let it go, not let myself get all bogged down by the comments of a stranger. But I take things to heart. Very much. Good or bad, that's my nature.

I could say "bitter against the world" is overly harsh.

I could say, "What business do you have coming to MY blog and passing judgment on me?"

I could say, "If you have strong opinions about something, go post about them on your own blog, or go find a debate forum to participate in."

I could say, "Yes, I have strong convictions, and of course I think I'm right about the things I think I'm right about. Doesn't everyone?"

I could say, "You don't know me. You haven't walked in my shoes. Maybe if you had experienced some of the shit I've experienced, you'd have a similar outlook."

I could say, "You're wrong about me."

And I have thought all of those things.

But the final conclusion I've come to is that probably the words that hurt the most are the ones that have at least a little truth to them.

I'm reminded quite often by my very rational husband that I invite this kind of thing by virtue of having a public blog. Which is true. As much as I'd like to just receive supportive comments, it's not realistic to think that everyone who comes across the things I write are going to agree with me or appreciate my perspective. Okay.

So I guess a little self-examination is in order, eh?


Monica Crumley said...

I don't know what Anonym. wrote to you or anything about that, but perhaps it's related to the "OS"? Maybe putting ourselves out there to fight for our children also puts us in the line of occasional fire. I take things personally, too, and it's a risk we take in allowing our lives to be publicly scrutizined by people who don't think on the same plane as us and who have lack the insight and love of raising a child w/ Ds. Chin up!

Anonymous said...

You are took harsh criticism and instead of "being bitter" about it, you used it as a platform for some introspection. That takes GUTS, and I commend you. I LOVEEEEE your blog and I do not think that you seem bitter at all. In fact, it seems to be you love your life and are proud of it and grateful for it (even the parts that arent so fun). Keep on keepin on.....because take it from me....there are people out there who find comfort in your words.

Renee' said...

I went back and read the last post coments and I have to say that all the things you "could have" said you have a right to say..OH other question would be if something is that "important" to this woman who says she has her own blog then why hide behind anonymous, your not hiding behind anything and she apparently is. God made women to have babies right? and God help them as he did all of us to get through our deliveries right? Then if a c-section is "the way to go" as she said Why did God in all his wisdom and grace not give someone the knowledge way back in the begining of time to preform c-sections??? There was no such thing for many years and womens bodies are made to have babies and have babies quiet well and I personally think it is a beautiful process. Yes it is painful but so worth the pain and trust me I had a epidural that did not work so I felt the pain the whole entire time and to this day I don't remember the amount of pain and I always thought when people said you don't remember they were full of bull but they weren't, just another example of the way GOD made women to cope, and why they are the ones who have the sorry I got irritated and I shouldn't have went "off" here on your blog. Just wanted to say your a more gracious person than I would have been and I don't believe you need to do the soul searching. Your doing a wonderful thing for women with your blog and your raising the most amazing son so just ignore ms. anonymous and know that alot more people are on your side and believe in you and have learned from your knowlede then they have from hers becasue she doesn't want to give her name or her blog out. God bless you and your family and you stick to what you believe in and don't let anyone else make you feel like you have to "examine" yourself.

Anna Alexandrova said...

I thought Anon overstepped her bounds in the comment in question. So i'd ignore it, to be honest. But if you feel like a bit of self-examination go for it. Thoughtfulness and fairness is what we've come to expect from you, Lisa.

Anna Alexandrova said...

Having thought about it a bit more, I think it's rather hypocritical that Anonymous is now suddenly all supportive and gushing. She owes you an apology.

Carla said...

If you feel the need to re-examine yourself, then do it, but don't do it for anyone else. I do believe that people, even the anonymous ones, come into our lives to mirror something back to us, but what that mirror shows you only you know.

On a larger scale, these posts brought me back to my days in college studying ethics. I was shocked, and horribly uncomfortable (and continue to be so), to learn that 3 people sitting next to another can read the same sentence, statistics, "facts", whatever...and then come up with three very different interpretations of the "right" thing to do. Sometimes I hate this "gray" world. I don't want other peoples "choices" (elective c section) to take away my rights (natural child birth without a fight), but I've also learned that they can, after reading the same exact things I read, chose something different than what I would choose and feel that they are 100% correct in their decision. Their gut is not my gut and there is so much gray. I'm rambling...sorry.

Follow your gut, advocate when/where necessary, take a step back when necessary, and enjoy your choices.