Ruminations of an Aging Birthday Girl

Well, here we are again, another year passed, and me sitting here wondering how the hell I got to be the age I am now. Geez. I swear I was just 18, like, last week. Okay, maybe not 18, but 34 (which is the age I've settled on to stay, in case anyone's counting). The funny thing about getting older is that in your head, you really kind of remain the same. I mean, sure, you (hopefully) gain wisdom and maturity as you get older, but I haven't found that I feel much differently than I did when I was . . . younger.

It's the body that changes, the body that sort of screws you over. It used to be that I could eat anything I wanted, and as much of it as I cared to, and I was still lucky enough to remain svelte. That all changed when I hit my 40s, though. Not that I'm overweight, but now I can't seem to lose that last five pounds that's been stubbornly sticking to me since I lost most of the pregnancy weight from Finn. Now I actually have to watch what I eat. Up until three or four years ago, people would be shocked when I told them how old I was, and they'd insist that they really thought I was several years younger. People aren't shocked anymore when I tell them how old I am! The sagging and bulging continues to progress (I want a tummy tuck . . . I desperately want a tummy tuck), I'm not as limber as I used to be, I have stress incontinence, and the other day I sneezed and my back went into spasms!

Every time I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It goes by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah.

I have to say I'm not loving being in my 40s so much. That's not to say that I'm not happy with my life (I am!), or that I sit here and think, "Wow, I really thought I would have done such and such by now, and I haven't." It's more just this sadness at knowing such a large part of my life is behind me now instead of in front of me.

I woke up this morning bright and early at 5:45, and Joey came bounding into my room, threw his arms around me and said, "Happy birthday, Mom." That was wonderful to wake up to - man, I love that kid. That was followed by hugs and birthday wishes (and demands for cake) by all the other kids. Michael wished me a happy birthday, kissed me, and said, "You don't look forty-three." It must be the gigantic zit that has been sprouting on my chin for the last several days. What is up with that, anyway? Wrinkles and zits? It humbles me.

Facebook has a wonderful way of making your birthday seem like The Most Important Day of The Year. I've gotten about a million birthday wishes from my FB friends, which is very, very cool. One of my best friends sent me the sweetest card yesterday (thanks, Jen!), and this morning my friend Caryl presented me with two jars of homemade jam and a Starbucks gift card :) Caryl is also Daisy and Annabelle's first-grade teacher, and she gave me a copy of yesterday's Morning Announcements:



Anyway, no big plans today. The older you get, the less of a party birthdays are. On today's agenda is just the usual stuff. I think I'll order pizza tonight so I don't have to cook, though. Tomorrow night Michael and I will go out to dinner.

Happy birthday to me!