Things My Kids Have Taught Me

I've been thinking about this a lot lately . . . about how naive and unenlightened I was before my children taught me so much about the world and about life. I truly was in the dark about so many things. But among the many gifts my kids have given me, one of the most significant is wisdom.

Here are some profound truths I've learned from my kids:

~ I hardly exist until I am: (a) on the phone, (b) in the bathroom, or (c) trying to put the baby to sleep. These activities result in immediate and desperate need of my attention by at least two screeching children.

~ The number of buttons children push directly correlates with the severity of my PMS.

~ It is against the rules for me to say "No." Ever.

~ Children, on the other hand, are allowed to let "No!" fly around willy-nilly.

~ Twelve-year-olds know everything. I know this because my twelve-year-old's response to everything I say is "I know."

~ Twleve year-olds have attitude. So do three-year olds. Actually, so do five-year olds and seven-year olds. One-year olds are still very sweet and pliant, however.

~ The surest path to complete annihilation of one's self-esteem is to allow one's young children to witness one in a state of undress. They like to point. And laugh. And say things like, "Mommy, you have a BIIIIIIG butt!"

~ Vegetables are to children what kryptonite is to Super Man.

~ Terrible two's? Haa! Three is when it really goes downhill.

~ There is no sound more piercing than the screams of a child thwarted from getting his or her way.

~ Energy knows no bounds when the task at hand is to drag every single toy and book across the house and scatter them across the living room. Cleaning up, however, is far too taxing on a young mind and body.

~ I am here merely to amuse and serve my children. Any goals outside of those pursuits are simply unacceptable.