So long, 2009

The last day of 2009 was capped off in the usual way for us: Michael took Kevin and Joey to work with him (always a treat for the boys to get to go to work with Dad), and then to a local New Year's Eve street fair this evening. Michael contemplated taking Lilah with him and the boys to work today but I talked him out of it. It's one thing for the older boys to occupy themselves with books and video games while Dad gets some work done, but what is a three-year-old going to do with herself? I realized later, though, that I really didn't want him to take her because I'm not ready to be away from her for a whole day. She's been with me every day since she was born; I've never had a day separated from her, and I'm just not ready for it. So she and the twins and Finn stayed home with me and we baked cookies. Much more fun than going to boring old work with Dad!

I've spent the majority of 2009 wishing the year away. Michael was officially diagnosed with cancer early in February, although the likelihood of it became a real fear and possibility in January. And so that nightmare began. Back then, it felt like we were falling, falling, falling into an endless black hole. Fear. Desperation. Shock. Horror. Anger. And then resignation that this is what we were dealing with, and we just had to face it. It feels like we've spent most of the year in survival mode, just trying to get through each day, each week, each month. As recently as a couple months ago, it still felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

And in the midst of all that, Finn had three outpatient procedures in 2009 requiring that we hand him over to a nurse to be carried into an operating room and put under general anesthesia. That was really hard, too.

But here we are. Michael is finished with chemo, although it will take months for him to fully recuperate from it. We reached the light at the end of the tunnel. And Finn is fine, a happy, healthy, growing little boy.

Despite the challenges - the awfulness - of this past year, it hasn't been all bad. The kids have continued to grow and thrive, Michael and I have reinforced the seal of our marriage, friends - real friends - have elicited our utmost gratitude, and hey, we've managed to hold onto our house and pay our bills in the face of a terrible economy and with a sick breadwinner, to boot - when people all over the country are losing their jobs and their homes. So, we have much to be thankful for.

I'm ready for 2010, though. So long, 2009.